“Sometimes, when a relationship comes to an end, what remains is not only silence, but also the temptation to speak. To say, to explain, to justify. And among that tangle of possible words, the easiest option often arises, but also the least dignified: to discredit the other.
Today I want to invite you to think about why we should not give in to that impulse.
An ex-partner is not an enemy. They were someone with whom we shared time, affection, vulnerability, plans and hopes. To speak ill of that person is to speak ill of a part of our history, of a version of us that, at some point, chose to love.
Disparaging someone who was part of our life does not say anything new about that person, but it does say a lot about us. It reveals what kind of ethics we have when there are no witnesses. It reflects whether we know how to honor what we have experienced, even when the ending was not what we expected.
And here I want to pause… because I know it’s not always easy.
There are wounds that cannot be seen, disappointments that are borne in silence, grief that cannot be put into words. Sometimes all we have left is that pain that nobody understands, and the need to defend ourselves with what we have: our words. But even then, even in that corner where sadness tempts us to sully what was, there is a choice.
We can choose not to stain the memory of what we have experienced. Not for their sake. For our own.
Because we were capable of feeling something true. Because we gave of ourselves, with mistakes, yes, but also with authenticity. Because a story that was real does not deserve to be dragged into the mire of revenge.
Speaking with respect of those who are no longer with us is a way of healing without resentment. It is about saying to ourselves: “I was there, I gave it my all, and now I’m moving on without destroying”.
It’s not about denying what hurt, it’s about taking care of who we were.
And hopefully, when it’s all over, we can look back without shame, without rancor, without resentment, with that peace that only comes when we know we were honest, even when no one asked us to be.
Don’t dishonor love with the end, but honor it through the way you decide to say goodbye to it.”
Prabhuji
