Lately I am becoming aware of my loneliness, and this makes me suffer. In fact I feel lonely even when surrounded by many people. What can I do? .
Most of us interpret solitude, loneliness, as the lack of company. People say that humans are social beings. This is half of the truth (and half the truth can be more dangerous than a lie). The ego is a social phenomenon. The ego is a social phenomenon because the ego is made of society, therefore it is social. As egos we live in a society where we try to escape from solitude. We have created a culture of escaping from solitude, from loneliness. We escape to soccer, to computers, internet, television, games, food, drinking alcohol, friends, family, children, grandchildren, all kinds of addictions to escape from this feeling that scare us so much – of loneliness. People escape even to religion. Of course there are people who enter religion because they look for truth, for reality, for what is real. The real sadhaka, the real disciple, the real spiritual seeker, looks for truth, for reality. But there are those who look for another way to escape from solitude or loneliness.
Any tool or mean to escape from solitude is toxic. That tool becomes extremely important, no matter what it is. It can be music, food, friends, coupleship… it could be trips, travels, entertainment, distractions. It’s a need to escape from solitude. “I am becoming aware of my loneliness and this makes me suffer”. Of course – loneliness is a threat to the mind. You as a mind are totally afraid of loneliness or solitude. Why? Because this void Infinite space is the unknown. Nobody here can define solitude. It is curious that everybody knows it when I talk about it. But can you give a description of the solitude? no… for the mind solitude is the unknown. and pay attention that whatever you try to cover your Solitude is with the known. you try to cover, to hide it with a list of things even with yoga, with meditation, with God, with money, with friends, with internet. with a profession, with activities, all kind of activities. you hide, you try to cover, but always it is impossible to eliminate it. No? Nobody can… and it appears in the middle of a party, full of people, everybody laughs and dances, and in a moment your solitude says “I am here” how is it possible? you can be in a stadium in the middle of a game, and in in the in the moment you can feel that this is somewhere… you can do the things you like go here, take your food, whatever… you go to the cinema, you see television, and after that… alone… you can be in front of people, talk to people, everybody look at you. you wrote the best-seller, you did the best yoga class, you gave the best lecture, you play the music, and at the end everybody goes you… only your dear Solitude is there waiting for you… so the mind is threatened by it, is afraid of it, because it is the unknown. still it’s this mystery at the core of your being. The mind is afraid, you are afraid of solitude, and you are the mind. And what is this loneliness? what is solitude? what is the definition of it?
“In fact I feel lonely even when surrounded by many people” but what is this solitude? From where it comes? Solitude is you! is what you are… it is not something that come from somewhere, it is not the absence of a friend, it is not the lack…it is you! it is an infinite ocean of consciousness, were there are no friends, no family, not even you. not even you… and that is the Kavalia of the Jainism, that is the hitbodedut of the Rabi Nahman of Breslev, Solitude is one. Solitude is the one, the divine consciousness, the unique, Advaita. There is no other there, even not you. So remember Solitude is you. so… and look for it. don’t think about it – look! as you go deep inside, more inside, deeper and deeper and deeper, you will find more and more solitude. you will not meet nothing else but solitude. and this Solitude is your reality, it is your authenticity, it is consciousness, it is God, the divine… so when you escape from Solitude you escape from yourself. when you try to be distracted from Solitude you are distracted from your own original nature. This is the phenomenon of escaping from solitude. What can I do? stop escaping. How can I stop escaping from solitude? give your back to any toxic tool, or means that you use in order to escape from solitude. Give up all these toxic mediums. It can be even people, games, dramas… there are people who… there are people who escape from Solitude to nostalgias. in the past they don’t feel alone. there are people to do it through hopes, dream… in the future… give up! renounce to every means to escape!… and second – “what can I do?”- face solitudes! face solitude… confront it. It will be painful. but it will be painful because we say the ego is a social phenomena, so what will be painful will be the ego. For you as an ego solitude is painful. Of course, but that is a good pain. it is a pain that slowly slowly will disappear… and slowly you will go and reveal something amazing, joyful, Bliss, happy! you will discover you know what? – love… how? how I will discover love in solitude? I am accustomed to go to to the restaurants, to parties… to Found Love. No there you found company, Not Love. and Company is another tool to escape from solitude. Company has nothing to do with love. company is only an aspirin, a way, something to escape from solitude. only when you go deep in yourself and you realize yourself as solitude, you will stop using people. To use them in order to escape from Solitude. you will stop to manipulate people, to be friends, to be this to be that. We are big manipulators, we are big explotators, we are exploding people. very cruel… and it doesn’t look like that because I am friendly and I’m loving, but we use them… you use people and that has nothing to do with love. when you really love… this is a secret, but please pay attention, this is important and I really hope you will understand – when you really love somebody, really love somebody, you will not feel a company, you will feel that you meet solitude… you are in front of this person, but what you meet is not the other person… in the beginning you’re happy when the other is happy, then you are sad when the other is sad. The limits between you and the other disappear, and you feel… people say we feel like one. what you feel is solitude. love leads you to Solitude, Solitude is love, is what you really are. there you meet yourself. and not only love. whenever you have a deep experience,a really meaningful experience you meet solitude. When you look at the sunshine and you’re with a group of hundred tourists, but in a moment there is the sun, and the ocean… you put aside your camera, and your video camera, and yourself, and you forget the tourist, and you only want please leave me a moment. and what happened ? when it’s deep you touch solitude. solitude leads you to find love.
She asked “what can I do?” what can you do… realize your real nature is Solitude.
how can it be that my real nature is solitude?
Company, I hope you will understand this, this is important, company is false. company is an illusion, it is not real, because whatever in this life comes from the other, whatever is imposed on you is false. What is real, real, come deep from Consciousness, come from you. The company, from the other, you can put people around, friends, neighbors, co-workers, family, put everything but it’s there… but love, love, comes from the very core of your being. it’s real it’s real. and your Solitude you can cover with external things, try to hide it, but the solitude comes, arise, from deep within as real. You try to cover, but it is impossible, because you’re toxic mediums to escape are false, are external, are from the other. Solitude is Real Love is Real because it is your real nature because it’s what you really are. so it is a question of what is false and what is real. This Retreat is about meditation but you cannot meditate if you don’t accept solitude. all these people who are I go to this Retreat of meditation because there there are Gopal and Govinda, and there I will not be alone… and meet Devaji so sweet. we all together all of us together meditate. We are such an amazing group in our yoga club, we know everybody, and we go together, and we know everybody, and the teacher is so sympathetic and sweet. As long as you don’t accept solitude, meditation is not for you. Because meditation is nothing else but totally acceptance, embrace your solitude. You close your eyes, you don’t see any more gopal Govinda who is with you. you close your eyes and go, and look, and look in your solitude, in the most deep Solitude – who am I, what is this reality. so Solitude and meditation it is impossible to separate them. if still you want to meditate go to walk at home, stop to escape from solitude, after that we can talk about meditation. but if still you are after covering your Solitude don’t waste your time in this kind of Retreats. nothing to do with you, it is not for you simply. you can go to your trips to India to Africa to the desert of Sahara to hear there, Mexico you want solitude you to go to the desert in the middle of the desert. you go to the forest to the nature you want silence, you want peace, but you go with your mind… and your mind is talking, all the time, you’re not alone. you take a lot of guys there inside- family, friends, all of them there. and you when you are in the desert. people are very attracted to it. they feel good, because it’s an extrovert solitude, remember this word extrovert solitude. in the desert, in the forest, you feel a little dule. seems like beyond the mind but it is under the mind. you become a little and animals, you love animals, nature. You are becoming more instinctual. it is not innocence but you become like ignorant. it is nice to be an animal because it’s the known. You are still not Enlightenment but you can be an animal and forget about your troubles, your problems. And you feel good. but nobody meet solitude in the extroverted direction. Because real solitude is introverted searching, it’s introverted, it’s the Solitude that is in you. it is not in the woods, it is not in the beach, it’s not in the desert. These are on the external, extrovert solitudes we make you dull. Will make you a little ignorant, a little animal, a little stupid. yeah the nature. the nature. the deer likes the nature and and Mama Bobo like the nature, all the animals like the birds. And you feel excellent because you feel somebody. We talked about it the other day. as a human being you are nowhere as an enlightened being you are the real, and as an animal you feel oh… I am, I am something. and this is the impression that it gives you. And be careful because you can be no mind but you can be no mind under the mind. go to the desert and see people there what is going on… Sinai, all that very happy not enlightended but ignorance goes everywhere. with everyone’s, Hashis, nonsense. The real solitude is introvert. is the Solitude of meditation. why? because it’s that kind of Solitude that you rest in it, and nobody can disturb it. because it is what you are as solitude. there’s no airplane that can pass in the middle and disturb your Solitude, not a cell phone… it is you.
Pay attention the Solitude and the loneliness have certain similarities, but are different. but are the same thing. loneliness is solitude with tension, the lack, the miss of something, somebody, something. Solitude is loneliness in relaxation. When you relax in your solitude, and that is meditation. When you accept it, embrace it. Not dependent of trees or sand or the water of the beach, or the silence of the desert. no… no… no… it is internal, introverted, and when you meet it, in the meeting with yourself as solitude, rest… totally rest, relax into it, and then you will know what is bliss, What is love, what is joy….
And the last thing before I go- only when you love, only when you accept your Solitude you can love, because in your solitude your love is revealed, and then you can share it. looking after company is only looking after people that I can use in order to escape from my loneliness, for my fear of loneliness. you use them, you use them. so only through solitude you understand that love is a luxury of kings that should be share when you’re full of it, out of your solitude. looking after a company in order to take you from your fear of solitude, is like two Baggers meet and one want from the other and both of them don’t have, so they go after a while feeling frustrated because you didn’t help me to escape for my solitude and the other is one say you didn’t help me. I can’t, I’m escaping, I’m in the same trip. so real love happen when you don’t need it, when you don’t need the other. more or less like ask a loan from the bank they’re ready to give you when you don’t need it. Same thing with love. love comes to your life when you don’t need a company.
